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Jodie's Story
I'm Jodie, 22, from Aberdeen in Scotland. I am so happy to be given
this opportunity to share with you all how my life has completely changed.
I’ve suffered from severe
depression and anxiety all of my life. Some days I couldn’t get out of
bed. I often contemplated suicide, and some days I would cry all day long,
feeling angry, and wondering ‘why me?’ Every day was grey, and every day
seemed pointless. I used to worry about everything, and I often drank to
forget my misery.
I got involved in a very
traumatic relationship. When it ended, I realized that I was pregnant, and
what followed was a traumatic pregnancy. I was living on anti-depressants,
but I kept going for the sake of my baby. But, the delivery was a
nightmare. After thirty-two hours in labor, I began to hemorrhage and lost
a lot of blood. I honestly thought I was going to die. But, somehow I
managed to keep going for my new little girl. I slept, and I cried, and
fought back depression while I recuperated in what seemed a very grey and
lonely hospital. I felt like I was a failure.
After we were released from
the hospital, I carried on with my life, trying to be a different person and
pretending to smile for my baby’s sake. I could hold in the misery of my
life situation for weeks at a time, but when I drank I would get so wasted
that I couldn’t see straight, and then I would break down in tears and act
like a fool.
One day I was out at the
shops with my daughter and saw a poster advertising a church playgroup. I
wanted to prove to the world that I was an amazing mother, so we went along
to this group which turned out to be located just across from my flat.
The leader of the group
talked with me, and I ended up telling her about my life. Then, she asked
if she could pray for me. I was a little freaked out, but I agreed, and as
I listened to the words she was praying, I also began to pray, “Father
please help me! I can’t live this life anymore. I'm so alone, and I hate
myself. Please, Father, help me.”
I left that day feeling
happier, much different than when I’d arrived, and so we continued to visit
the church playgroup regularly. But, circumstances eventually caused me to
move away from the neighborhood. I married my child's father, trying to add
the missing piece to my family.
Shortly after we were
married, we decided to have another child. But, as soon as I became
pregnant, I was told that there was a strong likelihood of hemorrhaging
again, and I began to experience daily anxiety. ‘What if I die this time?’
I thought. “What if the bleeding doesn't stop?” Then, my husband told me
that he was going to leave.
I begged him not to go, but
he ended up taking another job far away from where we lived. I had given
him my soul, and he threw it back at me. I guess that I had been giving my
soul to people all my life. I felt unwanted and worthless.
After my husband left, I
decided to return to the church on the other side of town. I believe that
when we’re close to the edge, something inside us cries for someone to save
us. That’s what happened to me that day. I prayed for God to look after me
and my children.
I started attending church
regularly, and began reading the bible. A friend came to see me once a week,
and we would study about God and his promises. I know this may sound
‘churchy’, but I was getting to know the Saviour who died for me, and I
began to pray for the birth of my second child. I prayed that I would
deliver a healthy child without severe blood loss. I knew I was praying for
a miracle.
When I was five months
pregnant, I had a dream that I delivered a son with just two pushes, and I
dreamed of walking down a corridor with a black house coat on, ready for a
shower. I told the Pastor of my church about the dream, and we prayed
together that this was of God, and not simply a dream.
The day finally came when I
went into labor. I went into hospital at 6pm, and with just two pushes, at
7:20pm, my son was born. There was no bleeding. I reached into my bag,
took out my black housecoat, and walked to get a shower singing ‘thank you,
God’. Then my husband returned, and our relationship improved. God had
healed me of severe anxiety and depression.
I’ve been praying that these
illnesses don’t return, and I’ve been thanking God for my life. A year has
passed with no anti-depressants. Life is a sunrise starting each morning.
And, I am not alone. I have been HEALED! I look back sometimes and cry for
the old Jodie who lived each day searching, but I’m not that person
anymore. I’m rid of my illness. I can look at people and really smile. I
don’t worry anymore, because I know my life and my children’s lives are in
God’s hands, and the ‘grey’ in my life is gone as well. God has replaced my
hurt and misery with life, love, blessing, and sunshine.
I tried everything that
doctors could provide to help cure my depression, but I’ve learned that
there’s no other way except through Jesus Christ. The spirit that raised
Jesus from the dead is in me. I have been healed by God.
Jodie
Aberdeen, Scotland
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